Love is just a chemical they say..

But I have a different opinion now. So when I read this piece by one of may favourite authors today morning, I just couldn’t resist – writing what I am about to write…:) And this one is the first am writing for the man I proudly now call - my husband :D

Preeti wrote this on her 17th marriage anniversary (http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/2012/04/what-is-love.html). But when I read it, I just realized love is never too old or too new.. :P

What is love?

Love is a lot of things to a lot of people, but if you ask me what it is I would say this:

Love is when you have that goofy look in your eyes and your smile stretches across your whole face and you still get goosebumps, listening to the song he dedicated to you, seventeen years back – Its every time I listen to “E mere dil ke chain…” the song he dedicated to me at our engagement.. something always smiles in me ):

Love is when you still do crazy things like calling each other thrice a day even though you're in the same town – He has to call once he reaches his workplace and again when I’ve reached mine :) or that 3.30pm call, just when I happened to think of him :) Or at 4… just checking if I liked cream rolls :D

Love is still waiting to see each other at the end of the day – Its when you have the keys to your flat, but you are found waiting at the stairs for those 5-10 minutes before the other person reaches home, just so we can step in together :)

Love is that pride in his eyes when he sees me at the book-events signing copies – It is every time I’m on air, or every time he posts my blogs on fb. Or always wanting to steal into my shoot :D

Love is him telling all his friends about me, proudly – And lying to them that I can cook, and very well. :P And forcing them to read my blogs and see my stories online.

Love is fighting like crazy but still hugging each other at the end of the day, because you can't sleep otherwise - Or keep awake the whole night just so to soothe me when I’ve nightmares J

Love is doing something you hate, just because the other person loves it – Yeh, it is when he completely changes his hairdo, gets them cut super short for me, thinks he looks freaky now (he hates it, yes!) :P

Love is each one thinking that they are lucky to have got the other person – And that’s true. I know I don’t say it often but, yeh, I couldn’t have been luckier. It’s your first thought on a Sunday morning, or maybe the last thought before drifted off to sleep many evenings.

Love is something that casts a warm glow in your heart – And that happens every time you see him smiling all by himself, and you know the reason is you, just you. J

Love is him pushing me to write my fourth book and keeping on checking the progress – Reminding me of the important stuff I had to mail late at night, that I completely forgot about, or giving up the laptop to let me do my work, even if his’ is waiting.

Love is still feeling a bit (a teeny weeny bit) jealous when I say that some guy looks handsome. (hehheh, I do it  sometimes just to listen to him swear :D) – It is when he works out after a tiringggg day at work – just so coz’ I go aweeee on Tom Cruise and his abs! Or when I tell him some secret admirer has sent me flowers - and - he makes it a point to call up the florists :P  And it turns out they were late in sending flowers that he ordered days ago! :D

Love is his telling me that to the world I may be a best-selling author, but to him I am still the same girl he married. :) (hmmmph--and you would think I deserve some respect! :D) – You’d be amazed how much can men sound (almost) the same! “No matter how much you try, I know you kid. You are the same girl I married.”

Love is saying cheeky things because you know you can get away with it :) – But I do that all the time! And you compete on who does better at it! Oh what fun! :P

Love is what has stood the test of time – We’ve just completed 2 months into our new life together.. but it feels like forever.. like all the things that were "always meant to be.." 

Happy 2 month anniversary Mister Sarma :D

A traveller in the unknown Seas..

A traveler in the unknown seas I am
Fear me not
Stop me not
For I will wade
As I will
And ever
With you or without

I am just me
No one else
No you can’t borrow my story
Nor can you share my journey
For you are not me
And never will be

Don’t leave no foot print
Do not look for mine
I own my journey
every speck of sand
every breath of air
And no, I shall never lend
even a handful
Do not ever hope, I will…

For every love borne
Every hate worn
Every pain gained
And every gain lived
All that makes me, my life
Is just all
But mine
It rose within me
From me
For me
I own it

Like you will, your own
Like to each, his own..

And like you,
A traveler in the unknown seas, I am
Fear me not
Stop me not
For I will wade
As I will
And ever
With you or without

The Brooke...

It was a long lost dream.

The Brooke as I call it.

And its rumbling by for real now. I could taste the greens finally, feel the cool soil, watch the worms squirm, feel complete in an otherwise lonely forest.

The quality of the air is vibrant, with thoughts, feelings, experiences of the self. Yet all you would hear is a silence. Just as thought.

I could sleep, mesmerized. Like many times I have, in that idea. But when it happens for real, you live it. Something, someone reminds you. The moment is mine.

You could see a lot of colours around me. People from the past and future. Those that are a part of you. Each going through their own thought process. Their own feelings. Their own part in the process. Growing and changing and shaping, each moment.

A jungle is a jungle, there will be animals. But by the Brooke, it all feels human. As less human as possible when submitting to the natural forces. As more human as you could be, when you touch the nothingness. The truth.

And beautifully so, you just live it. You do not feel the need to run, escape, leave. You feel entrenched, as entrenched as possible...for it is you who gave birth to that moment, whatever that is happening on the outside. For you know...that it came from the within.

If it were possible to call it love, I would. But I would call it, life. Life as it is. Should be.

If it were possible to call it an adventure, I would. But I would call it life, as it is.

If it were possible to call it a the truth, I would. But I would call it life, as it is.

Those few moments, I won't forget.

Those very, by the Brooke, I would never forget.

..

The story of Desire

At least you know, don’t you? 

I am all silence these days. I don’t know how long this shall last. But I am more comfortable this way. Takes too much energy to speak to someone. Anyone. Any person. I am my own person these days. 

By my own person, I mean I am with you. In my thoughts. In my soul. In that I find comfort. You know that.

People tell me I am no good. They mean I am not being good to them. I know that. When I look at me with their eyes, I agree. But their eyes are all that I can share and do for them. For my heart is set on a different thing. On you.

Call you my dream, my past, my future. Or a dream that was the past and is also the future. Anyone and everyone here, I allow, to choose the nomenclature. But for me, you are the only truth.

I can’t do anything now, but wait. And it is better done in silence. I, then, know that I am on the right path. For when I speak only with myself, I am reminded of you, clearly. With every breath. With each strength. In every weakness. In each desire. I know then, clearly, that it is you who fills me.

I find it funny that the same people have taught me about god, do not like me to traverse these unknown waters. Unknown (it can be) only to the inexperienced. But I suspect, to a point of belief, that each one around me has taken up this journey in their own lil’ way. I refuse to believe no one has. Impossible I feel it is. How much can a soul stay away from the core? How much can one live away from one’s truth?

I am sure they have traversed these paths that I am on now. But they do not seem to want to understand me. To see it as it is. And to see that I am a living person. That there is a heart that is beating inside me. That it is set on a something. And call it a strength or it's biggest weakness, but it beats. And I am only listening to it. Carefully. And then I must follow the sound of those footsteps. I feel I must be late already but follow now I must. That is my only truth. That is my only god. And all that, at times, is best done in silence.

And I do so in the sunshine I wake up to. In the fog that envelopes me. That lil’ flower white and serene, I see and I remember, from the eras past.

I am just like them too. Silent. But living. With you. My desire of me.
...

मैं कोई और नहीं..

तुम्हारा इंतज़ार हूँ..

अपने इस सच का क्या करूँ

जीने नहीं देती

न चैन से मरने देती है

आधी रात को जगाती है

और जब तक के मैं मान नहीं जाती
के बस यही सच है
ये मुझे सताती है

जब तक मुझसे यह दो बात सुन न ले..
सताती रहती है

किसी और बहाने से
कुछ और तरीके से
कुछ छुपा कर
कभी गुनगुना कर

नहीं
कोई तरकीब नहीं मानती

अब मैं क्या करूँ
कैसे कहूँ
और फिर कितनी बार कहूँ
अब तो कहने का जी भी नहीं करता


कोई रास्ता हो तो दिखाओ
कोई उम्मीद हो तो बताओ
हार गयी हूँ
अब तो मान जाओ

गुमनाम होकर
यूँ चुपचाप रहकर...

तुम में ही मैं हूँकोई और नहीं

बस यही सच है

मैं
तुम्हारा इंतज़ार हूँ
बस इतना सा सच है

जो मैं नहीं कह पा रही
तुम एक बार कह दो...
और कुछ नहीं
इस इंतज़ार को एक नाम देदो
इस सिलसिले को फिर एक पहचान देदो
मेरी चलती हुई साँसों को
एक वजह दे देदो
मुझे मेरी.. पहचान दे देदो..

मैं और कोई नहीं...
बस..